


Maaf Zahir Dan Batin

by Warp5Complex_Archivist



Category: Star Trek: Enterprise
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-03-14
Updated: 2006-03-14
Packaged: 2018-08-16 05:51:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,348
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8089981
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Warp5Complex_Archivist/pseuds/Warp5Complex_Archivist
Summary: Forgive me for all wrongdoings. Set in Season 1. (10/20/2004)





	

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Kylie Lee, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Warp 5 Complex](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Warp_5_Complex), the software of which ceased to be maintained and created a security hazard. To make future maintenance and archive growth easier, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in August 2016. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but I may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Warp 5 Complex collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/Warp5Complex).

  
Author's notes: You don't have to read "What Would You Like to Eat?" to understand this one.   


* * *

"Travis, I was thinking," Hoshi began, sliding in next to him on the couch in the common room.

"Oh, no," Travis interrupted, turning away from the stars to look Hoshi full in the face. Sliding slightly away from her on the couch, he continued, "the last time you said that to me, I ended up in the mess wearing a costume, handing out candy and shouting 'Happy Halloween!'"

Hoshi laughed. "Yeah, that was fun."

"For you, maybe—at least you weren't on roller skates, Cinderella."

"Hey, you looked cute in that clown suit, and I thought you were amazingly graceful for someone who'd never worn skates before!" Hoshi replied, giggling.

Travis looked at her wryly, "Flattery will get you nowhere."

"At least the bruises faded pretty quickly," Hoshi said disarmingly. At Travis' sour face, Hoshi continued, "Ah, come on, Travis—it'll be fun. And I promise, no roller skates this time." When Travis didn't look appeased, she continued, "and no costumes. Or bruises."

Seeing the plaintive look on Hoshi's face, Travis finally began to smile. "Right. What is it this time?"

Enthusiastically, Hoshi began, "you remember a month or so ago, before Halloween, when you, Trip, Malcolm and I were talking about foods from home?"

"Yeah," Travis replied, hesitating.

"Well, we'd said we wanted to do some sort of pot-luck dinner, but things have been so busy. I was thinking, though. There are a couple of big holidays coming up that traditionally involve food..."

"There are?" Travis interrupted.

Hoshi paused, thinking. "Well, several countries have a Thanksgiving or harvest holiday this month. And of course there's Eid al-Fitr. I was thinking that we could use these holidays as an excuse to have our pot-luck, sort of in celebration of all these things. We could each bring something to eat, a recipe from that holiday or from home. It would be fun!"

"No roller skates?"

"No, no roller skates. Just food."

* * *

Hoshi walked into the mess. "Two down, one to go," she thought to herself as she peered around the crowded mess, hoping to see Malcolm and talk to him about their dinner.

Hoshi had caught up with Trip earlier in the day. He seemed pretty enthusiastic about their holiday pot-luck celebration, even expressing his desire to make one of his mother's old recipes for "Turkey and all the fixins." Hoshi was a little hesitant—turkey was a very North American thing, and she'd only had it a few times. She hadn't liked it. And with Trip describing a recipe that involved deep-frying the bird, Hoshi was a bit concerned.

"So I've got Trip making turkey and...whatever goes with turkey in Florida, and Travis making a dessert that he'd described as "reconstituted, but good!"" Hoshi thought. "Next to find Malcolm...I'd be surprised if he can even cook," she thought, snickering.

Crossing the room, Hoshi spied Malcolm in the back corner at a table by himself, engrossed in a padd, barely paying attention to what he was eating. Working her way carefully through the crowded tables, she reached his. She stood directly in front of his table, but he didn't turn away from his reading.

"Odd," Hoshi thought. "He's normally so aware of his surroundings. Whatever he's reading must be really good." After a moment she cleared her throat, and Malcolm looked up, seeming surprised to see anyone standing there.

"Hoshi," Malcolm said. "Sorry, I didn't see you there."

"Can I join you for a minute?" Hoshi asked, smiling.

Malcolm, looking distracted, glanced back down at the padd still in his hand. Looking back up at Hoshi, and not sounding particularly enthusiastic, he replied, "Have a seat."

Hoshi moved into the seat across from his. "You look pretty engrossed."

"Right," Malcolm replied, vaguely, looking back down at his padd.

"Anything I can help you with?"

"No, letter from home," Malcolm replied, finally setting the padd aside and focusing his full attention on Hoshi. "What can I do for you?" he said with a half-smile.

"I've been talking to Travis and Trip, and we want to see if we can do the pot-luck we'd talked about."

"Pot-luck? What, exactly, is a pot-luck?"

"It's an old North American term—you remember—the big meal we'd discussed, where we'd all make foods from home and bring them. We were thinking we could do it soon, sort of in celebration of the big holidays coming up—Thanksgiving, Eid..."

Hoshi stopped. At the mention of Eid, Malcolm broke from her gaze, but not before she'd seen a change in his eyes. "What did I say?" Hoshi thought. "He looks crushed."

After a pause, Hoshi said, "Malcolm, are you ok?" She reached across the table towards his hand, which was resting next to his padd. As her hand brushed his, he recoiled. Abruptly, he stood, grabbed his padd, and turned towards her. Speaking coldly, Malcolm said, "I don't think I'll be available." He then turned and walked away.

"Well, that was painful," Hoshi muttered under her breath, watching him walk out the doors of the mess.

* * *

Later that night, Hoshi found herself aimlessly wandering the corridors. "It figures," she thought. "It's always after a long, exhausting shift that I end up too wound up to sleep." She was on her second lap of the deck when, as she approached a corner, Malcolm passed her without a glance, walking in the opposite direction. "Too busy even for a hello," Hoshi thought to herself grumpily as she continued on her way. "I'm the only other person in the hallway. He definitely saw me." She paused in her walking, thinking, "that man is an..."

Hoshi doubled back, following Malcolm down the corridor. Catching up to him at his door, she said, harshly, "Malcolm, is there a problem?"

Malcolm turned at the sound of her voice. "What do you mean?" he replied briskly, standing in front of his open cabin door with his arms crossed across his chest.

"I mean the way you spoke to me in the mess, and in the hall just..."

Without warmth, Malcolm interrupted, antagonistically, "do you want me to apologise?"

"No." Hoshi paused, sighing. She continued with less rancor, "listen, Malcolm, we barely even know each other. I don't understand..."

Malcolm turned and walked into his cabin. After a moment, when he hadn't shut his door, Hoshi followed. She found Malcolm standing in front of her, near his bed. As she entered his cabin, he took a step towards her, closing the distance between them until they were almost face-to-face. He reached over her shoulder to the door controls and, with a harsh slap, closed the door behind her. With quiet hostility, he said, "Why is it so important that you get to know me?"

Hoshi recoiled, surprised. "I'm just trying to..."

Bringing his face even closer to hers, Malcolm said forcefully, "what if I don't want to be _known_?" He then twisted angrily away from her, facing the window, his posture stiff.

Hoshi gulped and took a step backwards, towards the door. When Malcolm didn't say anything else, she turned and triggered the door open. As she stepped through, Hoshi pivoted back towards Malcolm, who was still looking away from her. "Sometimes it's not good to be alone," she said softly. She turned to leave.

"Hoshi," Malcolm said, all the hostility and anger gone from his voice.

Hoshi paused in the doorway. "Yeah?" she said, turning back towards Malcolm.

"I'm sorry," he said quietly, his back still towards her.

"Yeah," replied Hoshi, unable to control the quiver in her voice. "Me, too."

* * *

"Well, Malcolm isn't coming to our dinner," Hoshi said as she sat down at Travis and Trip's table in the common room.

The men looked up from their game of Uno, and Travis said, incredulously, "why the heck not?"

Hoshi replied, with a tight smile, "I'm not sure...maybe because he's an a.." Before she could finish her comment, Hoshi felt a hand on her shoulder.

"Can I talk to you for a minute, Hoshi?" Malcolm asked.

Hoshi looked at Trip and Travis, raising her eyebrows in surprise. She then replied, "uh, sure," and stood up from the table.

Malcolm walked over to the couch, out of earshot of the others in the room. He sat, motioning for Hoshi to do the same. Malcolm looked into Hoshi's eyes for a moment, and then started to speak. "Hoshi, I..." he began, before he sprang back up from the couch and turned towards the window, looking out at the stars. After a moment, Malcolm turned and sat back down on the couch. Without looking at her, he started talking.

"I want to apologise for what happened yesterday. My hostility was uncalled for. I just...it wasn't you," Malcolm paused, his voice catching. Turning away from the window, gazing intensely at Hoshi, he continued, "I..." He stopped again.

Taking a deep breath, Malcolm continued. "I'm afraid I'm not very good at apologies," he said with a small laugh.

"I can tell," Hoshi replied, smiling slightly.

"Right," Malcolm said. They lapsed into silence, both looking out at the stars. Hoshi could hear the buzz of people's conversations behind them, the throb and pulse of the engines, and Malcolm's soft breathing next to her. After a few minutes, she leaned towards him, and whispered, very gently, "so, about that dinner..." smiling when Malcolm burst out laughing.

* * *

The night of the pot-luck, Hoshi and Travis were setting the table and getting the room ready. "I think the fairy lights are a nice touch," Hoshi said, looking around at the tiny lights that lined the ceiling. "Very festive."

"Fairy lights?" replied Travis. "Oh, you mean the Christmas lights! Yeah, they're cool. I couldn't resist when I saw them on our manifest."

"They're perfect," Hoshi sighed as Trip walked through the door, pushing a cart laden with food.

"I am here, let the festivities commence!" announced Trip loudly. "I come bearing turkducken!" as he removed the cover from a large plate with a flourish, revealing a deep fried bird.

Hoshi looked at Travis, and whispered, "I'm not sure I should ask..."

"Let me," Travis replied softly. Addressing Trip, he said, jovially, "Trip, what is turkducken?"

"It's a chicken, stuffed in a duck, stuffed in a turkey, and fried!" Trip enthused. "Delicious, but you have to eat it fast."

"Why fast?" Travis asked as he started to help Trip unload his bounty from the cart. Their conversation continued as Hoshi surveyed the food. Not only had Trip brought turkducken, he'd also brought a sweet potato casserole and some sort of green been dish with fried onions on top.

Hoshi, Travis and Trip had laid their contributions out on the side table. Travis had brought apple crisp, made from reconstituted apples, with crust made from ration bars, saying, "try it, it's not bad!" Later, after taking a sample, Hoshi actually had to agree.

Hoshi had brought appetizers, as well as both sake and Japanese beer. "After all, since there's no big Japanese holiday this month, the least we can do is drink!"

They settled around the table, nibbling on the hors-d'ouevres while they sipped their beers. Trip tried out the few phrases of Japanese he knew, all of which, not surprisingly, involved alcohol. "O sakega hosheen desu ga...beeru, ni hong, ohnehgaishimas..."

Hoshi laughed, sliding a glass of sake over to Trip, "your pronunciation actually isn't half bad, Trip, but are you sure you really want a glass of sake plus two beers?"

"Eeyeh, kekko desu." Taking the sake, Trip continued, smiling. "Dom arigato, kozaiemas,"

"Do itashimashte," replied Hoshi.

"Come on, guys," Travis interrupted. "No fair—I have no idea what you're saying. Enough already. Let's eat!" He stood and moved towards the food.

"No, wait," replied Hoshi. "Malcolm isn't here yet."

Trip looked at the clock, saying softly. "Hosh, I don't think he's coming. We've already waited 45 minutes." At the look of disappointment on her face, he continued, "I'm sorry, at least you tried."

Smiling sadly, Hoshi said, "I guess you're right." She sighed, then smiled. "And, from what you say, that turkducken can't wait."

Laughing, Trip pulled a plate from the stack and offered it to Hoshi. She turned towards the serving table when the door behind her opened and Malcolm entered, a plate in each hand. "I'm sorry I'm late. I couldn't get this dish to..."

Hoshi turned towards Malcolm, beaming. "Malcolm!" she exclaimed. "Eid- Mubarak!"

"Maaf Zahir dan Batin," Malcolm replied.

"Nice outfit!" said Travis, smiling.

Malcolm blushed, looking down at his clothes. "Well, I felt I had to dress up. One must always wear one's best for Eid." He looked up, smiling.

Hoshi put her empty plate down on the table and walked over to Malcolm. She whispered, "I'm glad to see you—you look nice."

Malcolm, also speaking softly, replied, "well, it's not quite the traditional Malaysian Eid dress, but I thought I should at least make the effort..."

Trip came over, and asked, laughing, "so, what the heck were you two saying to each other at the door? Eeed mub..." Trip left off, unable to remember the pronunciation.

"Eid-Mubarak means 'a blessed Eid', said Malcolm. "And Maaf Zahir dan Batin is what Malaysians traditionally say to each other on Eid..."

"Enough talking, what about the food?" Travis interrupted. "What did you bring to our holiday celebration pot-luck thingie?"

Malcolm smiled and replied, "I wanted to bring some traditional Malaysian Eid foods. So I brought Ketupat, which is just rice cooked in bamboo leaves wrapped into a diamond shape..."

"Those don't look like diamonds to me," joked Trip.

"Yes, well, that's why I was late. I couldn't quite get them to..."

"What's on the other plate?" said Trip, smiling.

"Lemang and Rendang." At Trip's questioning look, Malcolm continued. "Lemang is rice mixed with coconut milk and cooked in bamboo. Rendang is, well, it's mostly beef, and I cook it in a special mixture."

"A secret sauce? Sounds exciting," replied Trip, looking hungrily at the plate.

"Listen, guys," Hoshi said. "Enough talking—let's eat!"

* * *

As the meal progressed, Hoshi looked around, enjoying the celebration. Travis had tried everything, eating each item with gusto. "Three plates! He's certainly eating like he likes it," Hoshi thought, smiling. Trip had tried a little bit of everything on his first pass, finally settling in with a large plate of turkey, chicken, green been casserole, and the Rendang. Hoshi had tried most of the foods, too, but found that Malcolm's Malaysian specialties were most to her liking. Malcolm, although seeming a bit reserved throughout the meal, had laughed loudly several times during their conversation about the oddest foods each of them had ever tried, and seemed to most enjoy Travis' apple crisp, of which he was currently eating his second serving.

As the evening wound down and Trip started talking about leaving, Hoshi said, "gentlemen, since you cooked and all I did was bring munchies and beer, I'll clean up."

Trip jumped up from the table, saying, "Great! And with that, I'm gone!" He hastily moved towards the door as if he was afraid that Hoshi would change her mind.

Travis looked at Hoshi, "are you sure? I'm happy to stay and help clean up."

"No, it's alright," replied Hoshi. "It really isn't that much. We ate most of the food, and the dishes are easy enough."

"Ok, thanks, Hoshi," Travis said as he stood up from the table. "This was fun—great idea, Hoshi. Good night, you guys."

After Trip and Travis had left, Malcolm stood and began clearing the dishes from the table. Hoshi touched him gently on one arm, saying, "you can go, too. It's ok."

"No," replied Malcolm. "I was late, the least I can do is help you clean up." He continued clearing dishes, and they worked together in silence for a while.

* * *

"Malcolm?" Hoshi broke the silence after she put the final dish away.

Malcolm paused from wiping down the table, "yes?" he replied, looking over at her.

Hoshi spoke hesitantly, leaning forward a bit on the table between them. "Can I ask you...I'm not sure exactly how to phrase this."

"Why was I such an arse the other day?" Malcolm laughed, bitterly.

"No," Hoshi replied. "I just want to make sure that you're ok."

Malcolm broke from her gaze, and started wiping the table again. "I'm fine," he said frostily.

Hoshi looked at him, cautious. "I don't want to pry. I just want you to know that, if you ever need to talk, about anything..."

Malcolm slammed his hand down on the table, startling Hoshi. "What, you'll be there for me?" he said sharply. He grabbed the edge of the table, leaned across it towards Hoshi, and began speaking softly, deliberately. "We barely know each other. How can you know that you mean that? Even my own bloody family won't..." Malcolm broke off, breathing hard, and turned away. He walked over to the window, and stared out the portal at the stars.

Hoshi felt her hands trembling. Fighting to control her breathing, she stood in place for a moment. "Malcolm..." she began, cautiously.

"I'm sorry, Hoshi." Malcolm said, less angrily, but without warmth. "It's not you."

"You'd said that before. What do you mean?" Hoshi replied, quietly.

After a long pause, Malcolm turned to her and smiled, bitterly. "When I was growing up, Eid was such a happy time of year."

When he didn't continue, Hoshi prompted him, "tell me about Eid, Malcolm." She approached him and sat down on the nearby couch.

Malcolm considered her, then sat. "At the end of Ramadan, Muslims have a celebration called Eid al-Fitr. You're supposed to give to people in need, and celebrate with friends and family."

"But you're not Muslim."

"I know that," Malcolm said, sarcastically. "But in Malaysia, that doesn't matter. We have these open houses as part of Eid, and everyone goes—regardless of your religion, or position, or background. I had friends inviting me to their houses, there were parties, dancing, food, everyone visiting everyone, and as kids, people would give you money," Malcolm laughed softly. Soberly, he continued, "it's a time when you ask for forgiveness, and grant it to others."

Malcolm stopped speaking for a few moments. He sat on the couch, staring at the stars, clenching and unclenching one of his hands as it lay on the seat. Hoshi reached over and gently placed her hand over his, and it stilled. He turned back towards her, and continued, softly, "It's Eid now, back at home. And I...I feel like my past wrongs are coming back to haunt me."

"What do you mean?"

"I got this letter. I just...it shook me a bit." After a moment, Malcolm turned away from her. Slipping his hand from under hers and standing, Malcolm continued, with false cheer, "and...that's enough of that. I'm sorry for being so maudlin." He smiled, saying, "I thank you for a lovely evening, but it's getting late," as he started for the door.

Hoshi stood, going after him. "Malcolm, wait. I..." she caught him at the door, grasping his arm, forcing him to stop. She pulled him towards her, enveloping him in a hug. Malcolm stiffened in her arms, but did not pull away. After a moment, she felt his stiffness melt. Then he put his arms around her, sinking into her embrace.

With her head against Malcolm's chest, Hoshi whispered, "Maaf Zahir Batin. Forgive me, Malcolm." Giving him a squeeze, Hoshi broke the embrace, stepping back and smiling at him. Malcolm, looking at her softly, replied, "Maaf Zahir dan Batin." He smiled, gently. "Good night, Hoshi."

* * *

Later that night, Malcolm sat in the darkness of his cabin, one small light illuminating the area around his chair and part of his desktop. Reaching his hand across the desk, he picked up his padd.

Malcolm read the letter once again. Taking a deep breath, he began his reply:

"Maaf Zahir dan Batin—forgive me for all wrong doings..."


End file.
